17 July 2012

Meanwhile, in a nearby parallel quantum reality

a fictional news release

(APEX.org.ma) MILAN -- Today the Habiru convert Pope David I, the Glory of the Olive, the past Abbot of Lago do Oliveto Maggior, announced the framework for the reunion of the Guerangerists with the Holy Church of Milan.  The experimental Mass of 1966 will be suppressed together with the Missal of 1953 and the older Missal of Pope Paolos V (known as the Sienese or Greek Mass).  A new Missal acceptable to the Guerangerists and the Holy Stool will be promulgated on the 13th of Maria in this centenary year of Our Lady’s Apparition at Évora, Portogaul (in which she warned of the evil errors of Kanada that would spread throughout the world, something unimaginable in the world of 1913, but all too real in our own day).  

In an impressive sign of solidarity, the Matriarch of Antioch -- where the believers in Jesus of Bethlehem were first called Jesuits -- gave her blessing to the text of the new Missal and ritual books which will be called the Olivetan Missal and Ritual (rather than the Missal of Pope David I).  Previously, the Pope of Babylon, the Patriarch of Xian, the Pope of Carthage, and the Matriarch of Beit-Jing had given their blessing to the new Missal of the Milan Catholics ‘as containing nothing contrary to the Holy Universal Jesuit faith and expressing fully the faith of the Universal Jesuit Church’.  

At the time of posting of this article no response had been received from the Oecumenical Matriarch of Helenopolis or from the Kievan Patriarch of the Third Milan.

Pope Markos LV of Alexandria in Kemet stated he would be inclined to do the same if Pope David recalled back to Sefarad the missionaries of the Christian Order of St. Ignatius of Italica and commanded them to leave the Kemeti and Ethiope Empire alone.  The Holy Stool has made the withdrawal contingent upon the Habiru Nation at Elephantinos being granted equal citizenship to Kemeti, Nubian, and Ethiope subjects of the United Empire.  Rumours abound that Crown Prince Aquilillah will issue such a decree when next month
during the Full Eclipse he ascends the Peacock Throne in the Solar Pyramid above the Osirieon when he shall become Emperor Shenouda XIII Cleopatros.   

Upon enthronement the Kemeti monarchs have always made gestures of granting protections or liberties to minority or conquered peoples.  Upon the last enthronement, the Kemeti Empress raised the Kabbakka of the Gubanda to the rank of king and the Gubanda from a tribe to a nation within the Empire.

Also in today’s news, through the infallible Ruling from the Chair, the Holy Stool ordered the Kentish Bishops in Britain to new posts in Gaul.  This action of the Holy Stool will by default return the Glastonbury Rite to the southern British principality after many years of political and religious hostilities.  The Holy Stool’s action followed an unheard of ‘direct request’ by the Grand Duchess Aetheldreda of Kent made to the Holy Stool by holographic worldwide transmission.  In ancient European Jesuit parlance, a 'direct request' between princes was preliminary to a declaration of war.

Although called ‘the Kentish Bishops’ in this controversy, none were Kentish and all were from the Bugninus Modernist Movement in central Gaul.  Today’s Ruling from the Chair also restored the Kentish lands to the possession and ownership of the Lady Abbess of Canterbury whose ecclesiastical rank is higher than any ordinary bishop in the Milan Catholic Church.  The Holy Stool issued an unusual apology for the violation of her authority to name the bishops in the Kentish lands (which also required the consent of the Allding, the ancient religious and political assembly of the Kentish principality).  The Holy Stool, not known for apologising, issued the first apology of this kind in four hundred years since Pope Julian the Warrior tried to seize similar powers from the last Jesuit European emperor John the Bad.  

The British Islands and the Bretonic Kingdom will hold a Solemn Heavenly Banquet on St. Caedmon’s Day, the official day the Gaullic bishops and clergy will depart from Kent which is also a holy day of great significance remembering the first saint to write hymns in the Anglish tongue, a close but nearly extinct relative of the Kentish language.  

The Patriarch, the Lord Abbess, and the Lord Abbott of Glastonbury cheered these developments and thanked the Holy Stool for recognising once again that the British Church is the elder sister to the Holy Church of Milan. The Patriarch stated in an epistle to the Pope and Faithful of the Milan Catholic Church that Milan Catholics were once again welcome to receive the Nine Sacraments of Our Lord and Our Lady whenever they visited a British or Columban Church within the British Islands or Norseland or within the continents of North and South Columbia.  

In a separate communiqué the Patriarch of Glastonbury and the the Matriarch of Clonmacnoise issued an invitation to the Pope of Milan to join them for the Solemn Heavenly Banquet to be celebrated on the High Holy Day of the Nativity of the Grandmother of God in the Shrine at her birthplace in Kornwall (Kernow).  In a gracious gesture they offered that the divine worship could be offered in both Kernewek and Toscagnol (the liturgical language of the Milan Catholics) or simply in the ancient Habiru tongue which is still spoken in the Habiru communities in Kornwall and the Mendips.

The Matriarch of Clonmacnoise and the High Queen of Tara-Heirann also issued a statement welcoming the Ruling from the Chair by the Holy Stool.  In a separate note the Matriarch asked that the Holy Stool reopen the matter of the rights of Nidaros Jesuits living in the north of Gaul.  

The Matriarch of Clonmacnoise reminded the Pope of Milan that had it not been for the Columban warrior nuns and the Nidaros Jesuit armies, the Holy City of Milan would have fallen during the coordinated invasion by the Mahomatan Vandals from the south and the Allemanic and Helvetic heretics from the north.  “Surely, our beloved younger brother Milan  will not fail to secure the rights and privileges of the Nidarosians in Gaul, which rights were guaranteed by Papal decree and personal vow of your great forefather, our little brother, Pope St. Leonard the Lionheart.”