Rite One: Intercession (Form II) revised

+

In The Book of Divine Worship, Intercession (Form II) is drawn from the US BCP 1979, but it is not identical to it.  In the USA I found this form very useful at Weekday Eucharists, but upon a Sunday I always felt it was too clipped and brief. 

With interest in the origin of Form II, I found that the original is found in an experimental liturgy from New Zealand in the year A.D. 1966.  The original form has several strengths over the present form.  (I grant that the Rite Two version of Form II may well be best for that Rite and its contemporary flavour.)  I believe that in traditional language Form II simply needs more from the original from New Zealand as well as what some of us have learnt by experience in using the 1979 BCP as well as the BDW.  I offer the following as a suggestion for redrafting the Rite One: Intercession (Form II) with the hope that my effort will be both useful and helpful for my fellow Catholics of the Anglican Patrimony:

INTERCESSION (Form II, revised)

Father, we pray thee, have mercy upon thy holy Catholic Church;
That we all may be one, so that the world may believe.

Grant that all the laity in Christ, the religious and hermits, the consecrated virgins and widows may truly and humbly serve thee;
That thy name may be glorified by all people.

We pray for our Holy Father, Pope N., for our Bishop, N., and
for all bishops, priests, and deacons;

That they may be faithful stewards of thy holy mysteries.

For all who govern and hold authority in the nations of the world;
That in our days thy peace may be upon the earth.

May we seek to do thy will in all that we undertake;
That we may be blessed in all our works and find favour in thy sight.

Have compassion on [N. and] those who suffer from any grief or trouble;
That they may be comforted in affliction and delivered from their distress.

Rest eternal grant to [N. and] all the departed, O Lord:
Let light perpetual shine upon them.

We praise thee for the Blessed Virgin Mary, for Saint Joseph, [for Saint N.], 

and for all thy saints who have entered into joy:
That through their prayers we may come to thy heavenly kingdom.

Prayer may be offered for the sick, the departed, and those in any need or trouble.  The leader concludes these prayers with the following, 

Lord, hear our prayer;
And let our cry come unto thee.

The Celebrant offers a concluding collect.
  

 +Kyrie eleison imas.